Kids say the darnedest things!

I love kids' responses to interview questions - it's interesting to see the world from their point of view.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? 
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. ~Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. ~Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. ~Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. ~Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. ~Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. ~Lynnette, age 8

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. ~Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich. ~Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. ~Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. ~Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. ~Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? ~Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is…

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. ~Ricky, age 10

I miss the old days

There are days – more often than not, sometimes - when I miss being a kid.  Not that I’d want to go back and do all THAT again, but I miss the simplicity of things and the safety of knowing Mom and Dad had things covered.  The other day, I actually caught myself saying the words, “Back in my day…” to my 15-year-old daughter.  It still cracks me up when I mention a singer, actor or other artist that was “famous” “in my day” and she responds with, “…Who?”  Whaddya mean ya don’t know who ‘Hall & Oates’ are?!?

The other day, I got to thinking about all the things from “my day” that are so different or even nonexistent today.  Technology and innovation have raced forward so rapidly, the things we thought were so cool are now obsolete.  I remember thinking that the 20-foot chord on the phone attached to the wall was great because I could walk all over the house and still talk on the phone!  Now, a lot of people don’t even HAVE a home phone because their cell phone is their primary connection to the world.  And what about those cell phones?  Remember when computers took up entire buildings?  Hand-held, wireless talking devices were the stuff of old sci-fi movies!  Now, if a 3^rd grader doesn’t have a smart-phone, it’s “unusual” and we’re asking THEM how to work our new electronic devices!

Even food is different!  I miss the good ol’ days, when no one had a clue what ‘gluten’ was.  It’s amusing how we say ‘vegan’ now, instead of ‘eating disorder’.   And kids today have WAY too much power.  When I was a kid, “Keep it up and you’ll go sit in the car” was a valid threat.  Now, you’d be arrested for such an act.  Those brats that cry and fuss and scream and kick in the grocery store are met with, “Now, honey, let’s use our inside voice.”  Boy, when I was a kid, if you’re gonna scream like that, you better be on fire with a stick in your eye.

Growing up, I always thought that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.  Today, kids have to worry about bigger things like cyber-bullying and not being able to walk home alone when they live two blocks away because it’s dangerous. 

Games are vastly different now too.  It's a little sad that today's youth don't get to experience a red rubber dodge-ball to the face.  Remember the Tamagotchi?  It used to be the greatest virtual pet ever. We loved them, we listened to their tiny electronic screams of malnourishment, and we occasionally forgot to pick up their poop for long enough that they died a tortured, poop-filled death.  Now the kids are playing games on their phones like “Subway Surfers”, “Temple Run” or the myriad of games available on FaceBook.

Don’t get me wrong – I love technology and innovation.  It’s really amazing to think that we have lived in 2 centuries and seen the turn of a millennium!  But I sometimes wish things could be as simple as the days of Little House on the Prairie.  I do love running water, though.  

For now, I find myself just hoping that FaceBook is going to stay the only social media site because I know how it works, I have friends I’ve reconnected with that I thought I’d never hear from again, and I JUST got my Dad signed up!  You know what, though?  I bet that’s what everyone thought about MySpace!  

Want to tell me what you think?  Send me a text, message me on FaceBook or do it the old fashioned way…email.  

GPS Abuse

GPS systems are kinda boring.  It would be far more entertaining if these systems talked to us like some of these:

Simon Cowell: This entire trip has been simply ghastly. You missed two turns, and your side-view mirrors weren't adjusted properly. And the worst part was the singing to the radio. Just awful. You’re no longer in the driver’s seat. In fact, I’d be surprised if you returned next week—because you’d probably get lost again.

Jack Bauer: I don’t have a lot of time. You’re going to have to trust me. The country’s fate is in my hands. So please, listen to me. The Wal-Mart is on the left, 2.6 miles up the road. Today’s the last day for the rollback prices on that wicker hamper you want, so grab it and go. Then we have some business to take care of.

The Biggest Loser trainers: Come on! So you’re lost. Are you gonna cry? Don’t you dare reach for that glove-compartment. I know that’s where you hide your Twix bars. Just take a breath. Pull over. Do some stretching. Get back in. And let’s turn around and get back on track! There’s a weigh station on the right.

IRS Agent:  Proceed to the intersection following Schedule C, section 4 dash 6; then turn right if the number of passengers in your vehicle [form B22] is greater than the number of cup-holders [line 15] currently in use…

Author of the ‘Windows file copy’ dialog box:  You should reach your destination in 15 minutes…no, it’s actually looking more like six days…no, wait…30 seconds.

Did you know you can re-program your GPS “standard phrases” to your own?  Here’s some funny and clever ones:

     ·         “Recalculating” changed to:

    “Fine…have it your way”

    “And just WHERE do you think YOU are going?”

    “Try and stay on the route this time, OKAY?!?”

    “OK, let’s try this again, shall we?”

     ·         “Battery Power Low” changed to “I feel a weakness in the force”

I don’t have a GPS system in my car – I've never really had any trouble with directions, but there’s an “add-on” called “Dr. Nightmare” that I would LOVE to have.  It randomly says things without warning, like, “Did you hear something?”  On long, boring stretches at night, it might say, “You’re not afraid of werewolves are you?”  I have GOT to get that!

“Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…”

I miss working in an office.  A few short months left of school and I can get back out there, so in the meantime, I thought I’d get my fix of office humor and share with you!

Ever notice that most offices post so many notices that no one ever really pays attention to them?  How ‘bout this one (that I’m sure some of you have seen before):

Please Notice!!
You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice.  And, we have noticed that some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable.

It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. Therefore, this notice is to remind you to notice the notices and to respond to the notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

>From the Notice Committee for Noticing Notices

And let’s have some fun with office sarcasm:

Love how you turned my compliment about you being wise into me insulting you as old.  You’ll notice I didn't say you were easy to work with. 

Mock FAX machines all you want, but I never got a two-word reply-all on a FAX.

A “vanilla envelope”?  Oh, this I've got to see…

How sick I feel these days is directly proportional to how many sick days I have left…**cough**cough**

We passed around a “Get Well Soon” card for a co-worker recovering from surgery.  The box crossed out “Soon” and wrote in “Now”.

Oh NO! We’re trapped in this meeting at 5:45 and someone just asked “the Over-explainer” a question! Someone pull a fire alarm!”

Here’s something I will NEVER miss: Employee evaluations.  Here’s a few that slipped past the political correctness monitors:

Works well under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whatever foot was previously there.

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

There.  That should hold me over for awhile!

Today's people-watching session brought to you by the letters 'O M G'!!

Today, I completed my first week of school.  This is kinda fun.  The bulk of my classes take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I only have one class on Friday mornings.  I dropped Em off at school and headed to the campus to just relax in the cafeteria before class started.  I had my Starbucks and decided to check out the food choices offered by the school.  Turns out, it's best to eat before I leave the house, I'm afraid.  Anyway, as I sat at one of the tables in the dining area, I began to look around and take it all in.  Until now, it has felt somewhat rushed as I scramble from one class to the next, making sure I am not late and trying to figure out the best way to lug all those books around.  This is the first opportunity I've had to observe my surroundings and watch the other students in their various groups scattered around the cafeteria.

I chose a table near the coffee shop, where I had a pretty good view of most of the tables in the dining area.  Just then, I noticed a young man walk by me and head toward a gal who was waiting for him at a small table about 30 feet from me.  What drew my attention was the jingling I heard from the chain attached to his belt that disappeared into his pocket, where I'm sure it was attached to his wallet.  Really?!?  You haven't read the "You Might Be A Redneck If..." on this particular fashion statement, Sir?  What was even more amusing was that he had on a leather vest with more chains, a tattoo crawling up his neck, and a leather skull-cap.  The pants were a little tight and he was sporting a full beard, so he sort of looked "biker" on top, "skinny jeans" on the bottom.  Odd combination.  When he took off his jacket, I noticed that the jeans were so tight, he had "back butt" showing just above the studded belt that cinched his jeans so tight.  I could see this was only going to get worse if he sat down.  It did.  He didn't seem to notice or be bothered by it at all.  Sadly, this is not an uncommon sight among girls, but for biker boy? Not a good look.

As I watched people around me, I noticed that each table attracted a certain type of student.  There was a table of five or six boys playing a card game that looked a lot like Pokemon or "Dungeons & Dragons".  The cards were all laminated and the boys looked like the cast of "Big Bang Theory".  At another table were ten or fifteen kids who all had weird hair - dread-locked, ultra-spiked, or dyed various shades of blue, purple, green and orange.  Most of them had layers of bulky clothing or long coats on...very "earthy" looking.  Next to them was a table of kids who all had so many piercings that I'm sure I heard a faint whistling coming from their general direction.  Scattered throughout the room, I noticed older people - more my age - sitting at tables alone, faces buried in textbooks.

People-watching fascinates me.  Even in my classes, a few students have stood out.  Yesterday, in my Accounting class, the man next to me was falling asleep.  I say "man" because he looked to be in his early 30's. Most of the students are "just kids".  You know, 'cause I'm old and I can call them that.  Anyway, this man had longer hair than me, nearly down to his waist; he had a full beard that touched his chest; he was overdressed for the class with a heavy jacket and a sweatshirt underneath that.  The classroom was far too warm for that much insulation and the sun was shining outside.  No wonder he fell asleep.  He bobbed and jerked his head up and down for about a half hour and then gave in and was fully asleep, his head nearly touching the desk.  And in the front row, no less!

My computer class is chock full of interesting people.  We have 'Barbie', Gigantor the she-man, the Potty Mouth, the Slacker, the "what-did-he-say?" guy, and the loud mouth.  Barbie has long, black, curly hair that she is constantly flipping from one side to the other....constantly.  Gigantor the she-man is an interesting character.  I'm actually not sure if he/she is a man or a woman.  He looks like a large woman.....sometimes....but then speaks with a very low voice that can only be male.....I think.  Reminds me of the Arnold Schwarzenegger character on Total Recall when he disguised himself as 'woman' to get through security unnoticed.  Last, we have the Potty Mouth.  She is a tiny little lady about my age who laughs nervously every time she says the "F" word.  Which she says a lot.

The Slacker is never on time, never brings his books to class, and always asks questions that the instructor JUST answered and outlined VERY clearly.  I don't think he made it past the 6th grade, really.  Then there's the "what-did-he-say?" guy.  He just looks lost.  Every time the instructor pauses, he asks, "What did he say?"  or "What page is that on?"  Every time.  Last but not least is the loud mouth.  This is the girl who learned everyone's name on the first day and loudly greets us by name as we file into the room.  "HI BILL!! HI HEIDI!! HI JAMES!! HI STEFANI!"  And then sits there giggling through the entire class as she attempts to entertain Bill, Heidi and James.

I really am learning.  Truly.  I simply cannot resist sharing these observations with you.....the world through an old lady's eyes!