GPS Abuse

GPS systems are kinda boring.  It would be far more entertaining if these systems talked to us like some of these:

Simon Cowell: This entire trip has been simply ghastly. You missed two turns, and your side-view mirrors weren't adjusted properly. And the worst part was the singing to the radio. Just awful. You’re no longer in the driver’s seat. In fact, I’d be surprised if you returned next week—because you’d probably get lost again.

Jack Bauer: I don’t have a lot of time. You’re going to have to trust me. The country’s fate is in my hands. So please, listen to me. The Wal-Mart is on the left, 2.6 miles up the road. Today’s the last day for the rollback prices on that wicker hamper you want, so grab it and go. Then we have some business to take care of.

The Biggest Loser trainers: Come on! So you’re lost. Are you gonna cry? Don’t you dare reach for that glove-compartment. I know that’s where you hide your Twix bars. Just take a breath. Pull over. Do some stretching. Get back in. And let’s turn around and get back on track! There’s a weigh station on the right.

IRS Agent:  Proceed to the intersection following Schedule C, section 4 dash 6; then turn right if the number of passengers in your vehicle [form B22] is greater than the number of cup-holders [line 15] currently in use…

Author of the ‘Windows file copy’ dialog box:  You should reach your destination in 15 minutes…no, it’s actually looking more like six days…no, wait…30 seconds.

Did you know you can re-program your GPS “standard phrases” to your own?  Here’s some funny and clever ones:

     ·         “Recalculating” changed to:

    “Fine…have it your way”

    “And just WHERE do you think YOU are going?”

    “Try and stay on the route this time, OKAY?!?”

    “OK, let’s try this again, shall we?”

     ·         “Battery Power Low” changed to “I feel a weakness in the force”

I don’t have a GPS system in my car – I've never really had any trouble with directions, but there’s an “add-on” called “Dr. Nightmare” that I would LOVE to have.  It randomly says things without warning, like, “Did you hear something?”  On long, boring stretches at night, it might say, “You’re not afraid of werewolves are you?”  I have GOT to get that!