But WAIT! There's MORE!

Lying here unable to sleep…thinking about tomorrow when I'll be lying here unable to wake up.  My brain keeps playing tricks on me.  I wonder why we feel safer under the blankets? It's not like an intruder will come in thinking, "I'm gonna ki..- ahh dang! She's under a blanket!" This is how my brain works when my sleep patterns are out of whack.  So, I turn on the TV and bring out the laptop to brainstorm.  I’m sure that’ll help.

I LOVE talking back to TV commercials.  I do it regardless of whether someone else is in the room or not.  Many ask a question that I am compelled to answer.  Too bad they don’t listen – that would be funny!  Interactive TV ads:  “Are you more than $10,000 in debt?”  “Nope! Next commercial!”  You know, like those video ads where they ask if it was relevant to you.  "Do you have annoying belly fat?"  Why, yes I do, but that skinny chick on the screen has never seen a day of fat in her life, so don't tell ME your little miracle pill will fix me overnight.  "Do you have a problem with dandruff?"  Why yes, it's blocking the driveway.  I don't know, do you think they know we talk back to them?  Probably.

I think I missed my calling.  I should have been a writer for commercials or somehow involved in advertising.  You know the "medical term" that's always in parenthesis under the name of a new drug, like Levitra, Humera, etc? How come the medical term is ridiculously impossible to pronounce? Why didn't they just call it 'Levitra', 'Humera' or whatever in the first place?!?  And what is with all the side effects?  On late-night television, there are a LOT of lawsuits pending for those suffering from the side effects of drugs.  I love the ones that say, “If you died…call us.”  These advertisers ought to just be more honest about their product.  For example, the anti-depressant ‘Cymbalta’ can cause facial swelling, weight gain and impotence.  I think they ought to just change their new motto to, “I’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!”

Food commercials are not much better.  Very unrealistic – especially if a woman is eating.  NOBODY eats microscopic bites in slow motion with their eyes closed. Ever.  And when are they gonna make the cereal commercial where the talking frosted mini-wheats are screaming from being eaten alive? That just seems more realistic.  Then there are the ones that show people making messes with food; the Dad helping the daughter make the explosive volcano in the white kitchen; the couple throwing their bowl of popcorn up in the air to bolt out the door to the auto sale that only lasts one weekend; the babysitter making raw chickens dance on a puppet string above the table.  Ew.  That would just bother me until it was all cleaned up.  And when they DO have an ad that shows the dutiful Mom cleaning, she only makes one swipe through the whole mess!  YOU MISSED A SPOT!  And I’m sorry, but who is that happy when they’re cleaning?  No one.  Anywhere.  Ever.

OK, I think I can sleep now.  I hear yawning is your body’s way of saying you have 20% battery life left, but I think I just pushed it til the battery died.  G’night!