I know you are, but what am I?

It would be so much fun to actually DO half the things I THINK to unsuspecting people.  Sometimes I do say something silly, but I usually chicken out on the more daring stuff.  Like when people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.  I don’t think they’d be all that amused and I might get shot. 

I did make a lady in line behind me chuckle once, when I was waiting my turn at a check-out line and Em was pestering me for a candy bar from the “child bait” rack.  I said ‘no’ and of course, she asked why.  I said, “Because I’m a mean Mom, that’s why.”

Most anyone who knows me, knows that I have an ornery sense of humor.  Here’s a fun idea:  Next time you’re at the mall and see a couple making out just a little too vigorously in front of God and everyone, don’t shout, “Get a room!”  Instead, walk up and stand next to them, wait for them to notice, then when they do, tell them, “Relax….I’m a first base coach.”  Or how ‘bout the next time I get a blank text, I think I’ll reply, "Sorry: I haven't got the secret decoder app yet; can you resend that with actual words?" Speaking of phones, I threw a wrong number caller off once by saying, “Oh, I must have answered the wrong phone!”  Silence.

Cracking jokes is something that sort of comes second nature to me.  When my nephew was in elementary school, he wanted to take me to school for show-and-tell.  He wanted me to sit in the back of the class with him and poke fun at his teacher.  I think I actually considered it.  When the kids were in grade-school, my favorite thing to do was read off their Valentine’s Day class list in ‘Valley Girl’ because the list of names all sounded so…… oh let’s just say ‘special’:

                Buffy

                Sissy

                Sunday

                Princeton

                Kennedy

The list goes on….I miss those lists. 

I spend a lot of time thinking of goofy, random stuff to say, to post, to write about.  It’s always so embarrassing when I’m having a conversation in my head and suddenly realize I’m making the faces that go along with the silent conversation.  On more than one occasion, Em has caught me deep in thought and said, “What was THAT face for?”  Busted!  It’s embarrassing when a funny thought crosses my mind and I can’t keep the laughter to myself but I can’t exactly explain it and not sound crazy, either.

I think I know what’s wrong with me.  They say the statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness.  Think of your three best friends.  If they're okay, then it's you.  My three closest friends are quite normal…