In God we trust…all others are run through NCIC…

I love it when I run across humorous things that haven’t circulated Facebook a thousand times.  Not that it’s new stuff, but it’s fun to share something fresh from time to time.  Better yet, I love finding that I am not the only one with a wry sense of humor.  Sent to me by my Mom today, these are supposedly actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers taken from their car videos:

·         "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 

·         "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new - they'll stretch after you wear them a while."

·         "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

·         "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 

·         "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

·         "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 

·         "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 

·         "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 

·         "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in cow poop." 

·         "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 

·         "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 

·         "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 

AND THE WINNER IS.... 

·         "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

I also found some rather humorous Police Blotter reports posted in actual newspapers:

      ·         A caller reported at 7:14pm that someone was on a porch yelling “Help!” from a residence on Bank Street.  Officers responded and learned the person was calling a cat that is named, “Help.”

·         The Learning Center on Hanson Street reports a man across the way stands at his window for hours, watching the center, making parents nervous.  Police ID’d the subject as a cardboard cutout of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

·         1:14am: Caller reports hitting an intruder in the head with an ax.  Notes that intruder was “in the mirror”.

·         1:33pm: A man came to the Sheriff’s Department to “find out how to legally kill a person” who was harassing him.

·         11:43 pm – A 41-year-old woman flagged down police to report her daughter as missing. The daughter was found sleeping in her room, but the mother did not see her because the room was messy.

I can relate to that last one.  It's actually not all that unrealistic....you'd have to see her room!