"I AM being haive!"

My grandson is a toddler.  He is at that age that usually cracks me up because he is very literal and just learning to pronounce things and speak in complete sentences.  But he’s still a whirlwind when he visits – the cats are terrified.  Jerry Seinfeld said, “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”  I agree.

In a few short years, he’ll be at that age where everything is like being at a never-ending press conference: "No, you can't put the cat in the washer - next question." "No, you can't really fly - next question."  For now, though, he just does strange things that we can’t quite explain.  Like licking the truck or pushing the same button on a noisy toy five MILLION times.

When I was little, I learned to speak clearly quite early.  My dad loves to tell the story of when I used to say “Encyclopedia”.  (Note to young people: an encyclopedia is a big, 32-volume set of books where one would find information on a wide range of subjects……the original “internet”, you might say)  Apparently, at a very young age, I could say that word very clearly.  My brother, who is 10 months younger than me, had his own language.  He not only had trouble with words like “skabetti” (spaghetti) and “sok-yo-pedia” (encyclopedia), he made up his own words for things he saw.  Brushing teeth was “heek-a-doking” because that’s the sound your mouth made when you brushed. 

One of my niece’s has also been a source of entertainment with her vocabulary.  When she was very little, my Sister and I heard her bickering with her sister and Em.  We called to her and said, “Stop being mean!”  She answered, “I not being mean, I being rude!”  This is the same child who, for no apparent reason, would announce randomly, “I’m wearing panties.”

I love kid “isms”.  Their point of view is so literal and so real.  I know of a six-year-old boy who was watching his father tap on a wall, looking for a support beam, and said, “There’s no one in there.”

My all-time favorite had to be when I told Em that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real.  When she was six, she had some serious dental work done and had three teeth pulled.  We felt so badly for her, the “Tooth Fairy” coughed up about $8.00.  About a month or so later, she lost another tooth by natural means.  We were in the middle of a busy time and the “Tooth Fairy” FORGOT!  She was bummed but when I said sometimes it takes longer, she tried again the next night.  The “Tooth Fairy” FORGOT AGAIN!  Em was devastated.  I felt like a complete heel.  I said to give it one more try.  Reluctantly, she agreed.  I wrote her a letter on the computer in a pink, curly font that went something like this:  “Dear Miss Emmy: You would not believe the number of children in your neighborhood who lost teeth this week!  Hope this makes up for being late!” and signed it, “The Tooth Fairy”.  I left her a $5.00 bill.   Apparently no one else wanted to forget either, because several of us put money under her pillow. She made about $35 bucks that night.  She was THRILLED!  Not only did she make out like a bandit, she got a letter!

About three years later, the subject of Fairy Tale characters came up.  She knew there was no Santa, no Easter Bunny, no such thing as Leprechauns.  I said, “And don’t forget – no Tooth Fairy.”  She stopped dead in her tracks.  “YES THERE IS!” she exclaimed.  In complete seriousness, she bolted up to her room, came back with a piece of paper and said, “There IS a Tooth Fairy!  LOOK!  I HAVE PROOF!”  She produced the letter I had done years earlier.  I stand corrected.