Road trip!

A few years ago, my Mom, my sister, Kami and I drove to Washington State to attend a family function.  We didn’t have time to do an overnight trip, so we decided to make the 8-hour round trip in one day.  We left early on a bright, summer morning – I had been looking forward to this for awhile – we had some fun experiences and usually laughed ourselves silly at situations we encountered.  Come to find out, this one would be no exception.

Mom had printed out turn-by-turn directions by MapQuest and we had the back-up directions on the car’s GPS navigation system to help us find our destination.  Not entirely excited about having to make an 8-hour round trip in one day, we settled in for a long day.  Mom and I chit-chatted about the kids, work and other things while Kami napped in the back seat.  After about three hours on the road, we made our first turn off the interstate, per the printed directions.  We had about 30 minutes left to our destination, but a potty break was in order. 

Upon entering the dusty store, we headed toward the back, where we noticed damp newspaper all over the floor around the bathroom door.  Bad sign.  Inside, the bathroom wreaked of mildew, stale urine and an old fart.  After thoroughly washing our hands, we gathered a few snack items, some bottled water and made our way to the register.  On the counter, someone had fashioned a plastic, Folger’s coffee can into a piggy-bank and taped a handwritten note to “please make donations for us to bury our sister.”  Um…where was she in the meantime?  I wondered if she was in the cooler in the back somewhere until they had raised enough money to bury her properly.  Thank goodness the water was properly bottled.   

Amidst peals of laughter, we continued on our journey to find our elusive destination.  No sooner had we got back on the road, when we realized that none of the street names matched our map.  We were certain the route was correct, so we relied on the MapQuest mileage markers to navigate.  Come to find out, about a week prior, a construction crew had come through and renamed all of the streets.  We found out later that there were signs pointing us toward our destination on 3x5 cards in strategic locations along the way – something impossible to read at 45-50 miles an hour.

Finally arriving at our destination, Kami decided to have a glass of red wine.  After the first sip, which resembled something similar to cooking sherry, she set it aside and quietly decided to just wait it out.  Before she could say anything, Mom reached for the plastic wine glass Kami had just set down, expecting a nice, red wine.  The sharp, putrid taste caught her off guard, she inhaled slightly and choked and sputtered, drawing embarrassing attention to her coughing fit.  There is simply no way to gracefully choke to death! 

Having the last half of our 8-hour trip ahead of us and the afternoon drawing to a close, we decided it was time to go.  We stopped at a gas station to pick up a few things, hit the bathrooms and begin the long trek back home.  The key for the bathroom was attached to a plastic “beer mug”.  After the day we’d had so far, I couldn’t help saying, as I put the key back on the counter, “I rinsed the cup out for ya.”

On the way back toward I-5, we decided to stop for a bit and visit another relative.  While there, I mentioned that I was desperately trying to quit smoking.  My Aunt, who had successfully quit smoking some time ago, showed me a “crutch” that she had fashioned for herself that seemed to work wonders.  She took a regular drinking straw, cut it down to the size of a cigarette, and put a regular q-tip inside to simulate the “draw” of a cigarette.  She demonstrated it for me and I gave it a try.  I held the substitute ‘cigarette’ to my lips, inhaled, and the q-tip came out, hit the back of my throat and I nearly threw up all over the table.  Wow…cold turkey it is then.  Proof that smoking will kill you!

We laughed and visited for a bit then hit the road again.  South of Olympia, we turned off to get a bite to eat.  At the Denny’s restaurant, our waitress, Violet, acted as though we were imposing on her as she smacked her gum with what teeth she had left.  Our last stop before heading South again was to stop at the gas station to fill up.  Inside, we noticed a girl we thought was about 17-years-old flirting with the attendant at the counter.  She was flipping her hair, hugging him and speaking rather loudly.  Kami decided to go inside to grab a water bottle and indicated to us that the girl was more like 30 years old.  She was, like, totally flirting, and like asking for the attendant’s number, and like bouncing around like a teenager, and like acting as if she was like on drugs er what-everrrr.  Wow!  To emulate her, Kami came running back to the car, her hands up like a priss, running with exaggerated head movements to make her hair swing back and forth.  We laughed the rest of the way home.  I love road trips.