Updated from my calculator

I've discovered the reason why my house is not always as clean as I used to keep it:  I have a Facebook account.  What?  This is not a valid excuse?  Dang.  It usually goes something like this:  “Doing housework....so far I've dusted the compu-ooooooohhhhhhhh look - Facebook!”  It’s such a strange addiction.  Not one I'm likely to ever give up, since it seems to be my only source of communicating with the outside world most of the time.  Besides....you guys are the only ones who ever laugh at my stuff....my kids just think I'm weird.  

I love connecting with old friends and having a way to keep them close, but there are some really frustrating things about Facebook.  No, I would not like to meet local singles in my area and I do not want to know what simple little food trick I can do to lose belly fat, Facebook. And while we're at it, I'm fairly certain I haven't been tagged in someone's photo, no one REALLY answered a question about me and that "shocking video" you want to show me? Yeah, I already fell for that one.  Frankly, the weight loss and ‘mature’ singles ads are offensive.  I think Facebook can see me!

Remember those chain emails that promised fame and fortune if you forwarded it to ten of your closest friends?  How many still had ten close friends when THAT one petered out?  Facebook has something similar:  The guilt trip.  I hate the guilt trip.  I refuse to repost anything that “dares me” or berates me by challenging, “bet you won’t” or “I know most of you won’t….”.  Whoever it was in Facebook-Land that started those, shame on you for starting the GuiltBook trend. Repost if you agree……I know most of you won’t…..you know who you are. <insert evil laugh here>.

I am more inclined to post the ones that make fun of the GuiltBook posts:  ‘Please copy and paste this as your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone that may know someone who knows anyone. If you don't know anyone, or even if you've heard of anyone who doesn't know anyone that doesn't know someone, then still copy this. It's important to spread the message. Oh, and the hearts. ♥ ♥ For goodness' sake, don't forget the hearts.♥♥’ 

Or my other favorite: ‘Please copy & paste this to your status if you are constantly being asked to copy & paste something to your status by friends who copy & paste things to their status. Many people won't copy & paste this, but my true sarcastic friends will copy & paste it because they know this was copied & pasted from a dear friend in need of more stuff to copy & paste...thank you! And don't forget the stupid heart...♥’

We’re so addicted to Facebook, I’ll bet that about 50 years from now, many tombstones will read: "Beloved wife, mother, sister, daughter...and Facebook friend".  Facebook is also responsible for saving many people from a crippling “keeping my thoughts to myself” addiction.  I wonder if one day somebody will ever come knocking on my door and say, “Hey, we have 7 mutual friends on FaceBook! Can I come in?"  And what’s with the serial relationship status changes?  Facebook ought to have a limit on how many times you change your relationship status….After 3 in one year it should auto-default to "unstable". Me.......I’m just waiting for the right person to come along and mistake my crippling pessimism for an attractive sense of humor.  Any takers?

People do share the most benign, strange things.  Why do we care what you had for dinner?  Did you email all your friends what you had for dinner before Facebook?  I submit that you did NOT!  I brag about my teenager making dinner or baking something scrumptious, but how many teenagers do YOU know that bake from scratch and cook dinner for their poor, tired Moms?  Do you feel sorry for me yet?  Fine.  Just had top ramen for dinner. Please help me get the word out.