Grammar Police!

I am admittedly a grammar and spelling snob.  I can’t help it.  There is nothing more frustrating than reading (or trying to read) something with lousy punctuation and misspelled or improperly used words.  Don’t get me wrong – I am not perfect by any stretch.  My “peeve” is directed more toward news agencies or other materials directed at the public – you know, the ones who have editors that are supposed to catch this stuff.  Check out these head-scratching headlines that nobody caught: 

-- Utah poison control center reminds everyone not to take poison.

-- Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.  (Um….it’s just a question, but shouldn’t it drop off after 19?)

-- Psychics predict world didn’t end yesterday.

-- Sun or rain expected today, dark tonight.  (I want that job.)

-- Specialist: Electric Chair can be ‘extremely painful’.  (I thought that was the point….)

-- Two sisters reunited after 18 years at checkout counter.  (They must have been at the DMV.)

It’s amazing what a little well-placed punctuation can do to change the meaning of a sentence.  I’m sure you’ve all heard the “punctuation saves lives” example:  “Let’s eat Grandma!” or more correctly, “Let’s eat, Grandma!” I think the funniest ones are the church bulletin or church sign bloopers:

-- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 

-- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

-- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 

-- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. 

-- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

--  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

-- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

--  Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

-- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

When I was in high school, I wanted to be an English teacher.  Today, I do a little tutoring, but it’s mostly math.  I suspect, if school districts were not always suffering financial cutbacks, I would have gone that way with my career.  For now, it’s just fun to catch these bloopers in writing and pass them on for you to enjoy!