I love it when
I find something that makes me laugh so hard I cry. You know the kind
where no sound comes out – you’re just sitting there clapping like a retarded
seal? Yeah that. Well, I found just such a thing: The
Washington Post's Mensa Invitational invited readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply
a new definition. Here are some that prompted the seal imitation:
CASHTRATION: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period of time.
IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid AND an ass.
IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid AND an ass.
INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize
it was your money to start with.
REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
BOZONE: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. (This was my favorite)
BEELZEBUG: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
BOZONE: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. (This was my favorite)
BEELZEBUG: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
The Washington
Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words:
COFFEE: The person upon whom one coughs.
FLABBERGASTED: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
ESPLANADE: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
NEGLIGENT: Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.
GARGOYLE: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
TESTICLE: A humorous question on an exam.
POKEMON: A Rastafarian proctologist.
FRISBEETARIANISM: The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
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