HealthCare for Dummies

Dear Mr. Obama: I have this strange itchy rash on my…..wait….this IS how we’re doing healthcare now, right? My healthcare plan is pretty simple: I’m covered as long as I stay healthy. So far so good. I hate going to the doctor. I don’t really know anyone who likes to go, come to think of it. Every year, my Mom wants me to get a flu shot. I don’t do needles. Maybe if I didn't think of it as a “flu shot”, but rather “installing virus protection software.”

Em has issues with her ears – she has since she was an infant. The last trip to the doctor, I paid the clerk with a check. In the memo line I wrote, “child repair”. She didn't even notice. We left with our illegible prescription for ear drops. You know, I’m convinced Doctors write prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one has insurance. Don't kill

her." Why DO they write so sloppy?

Some examples of actual entries on patient records:

· Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
· On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
· She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

· Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
· Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male mentally alert but forgetful.
· The patient refused an autopsy.
· Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
· While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
· Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (ouch!)
· I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
· Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
· Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
· Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
· The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
· Large brown stool ambulating in the hall

Proof they’re distracted, if you ask me!