Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode:

Lately, I've had a lot of time on my hands to watch TV.  I was watching a Law & Order marathon the other day and I noticed something:  How come, on most cop dramas, they always shout at the 'perp' from across the street…giving him juuuuust enough of a head start to get away? Why don't they wait til they're right on him? This could have been a much shorter episode.  You know, shows like "Law & Order" and "CSI" are supposedly told in 'real time'.  So how come, when they ask, "Where were you at 10 o'clock last Thursday night?", no one ever says, "I was at home watching CSI"?

I usually watch forensic shows like “Forensic Files” or “Dateline” at night – usually because Em doesn't like them so I don't watch them when we're together in the evenings, but mostly because the narrator’s voice is just dull enough to put me to sleep.  I've relied on these shows to put me to sleep for years.  I've notice that, after awhile, it seems like all criminals are the same.  I think Dateline should just be called "If You Marry a Doctor, He/She Will Kill You."  I think I probably watch a little too much TV.  In fact, when I die, I should have my ashes scattered in front of one.

I love all the crime dramas and most of the medical dramas.  I like the CSI franchise the best.  Well, except for CSI Miami.  I only watch, just in case they do one of those “crossover” episodes, just so I know what’s going on. (MmHmm….sure.)  It’s just the dumbest crime show.  First of all, no one looks like a supermodel at work.  Second, who in their right mind is going to show up to a grisly crime scene in white pants and stilettos?  What I find funny is the biggest oversight of all:  they collect all this minuscule evidence – hairs and skin cells and such – and they all walk around the crime scene without a hair net, sometimes wiping sweat from their brow with the back of a wrist.  How does this not contaminate their crime scene?  Yeah yeah, it’s only TV, but come on!  Let’s not ruin the fictional dream by straying so for from reality.  I think what we need is -- **puts on sunglasses** -- a director with a real CSI on retainer! YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!