Sunday, September 22, 2013

Because I’m worth it

So last night I decided I needed to color my hair – the gray is rapidly taking over.  When I first started noticing them, I simply plucked the grays, but I soon realized that if I kept that up, I’d soon have a receding hairline.  Bad idea.  Hair dye it is!  I decided to go with one by  Garnier®.  My hair tends to be on the dry side, so I wanted something that wouldn't make it worse.  Em had a friend over, so I waited until they were settled in her room for the night and decided I would get started.  I've got my days and nights turned around anyway, so getting started at 1:00am was no big deal.  Or so I thought.

Now, mind you, I've never purchased dye products and, to be quite honest, I was kinda nervous about getting the wrong color and ending up with green hair or something that would make it all fall out.  I picked a “Medium Golden Brown”…looked safe enough, AND it was a foam, so the drippy factor was less messy.  I read the directions, prepared the solution and proceeded to apply it.  Easy-peasy, right?  At first, it went rather smoothly.  Having a foaming formula did make it easier, but they don’t tell you on the bottle that it’s not really a one-person job.  Especially with long hair.  I put on the gloves, pumped a bit into the palm of my hand, and started at the front, as directed.  Then, when I tried to pump more into my palm a second time, my hands were now slippery and I couldn't get a good grip on the bottle anymore.  I needed a third hand! 

Because my hair is long, I split it down the back, bringing each side around front and finished applying as best I could.  I knew I was getting it on my skin, but it didn't appear to be coloring anything, so I put all the hair up on top of my head, secured it with clips, dabbed the moisture from my skin and watched TV while I waited the 20 minutes, per the instructions on the box.  After about 17 minutes, I went to check on the progress in the mirror and was horrified to see the places that the dye had actually touched!  My forehead had fingerprints, my ear lobes were brown, both sides of my neck all the way down to where my shirt started looked like I had been terribly irresponsible with a spray-tan application; there was a brown smudge on my nose (I swear, I don’t remember even touching my nose!), and all around the counter and the sink had brown smudges.  What a mess!

I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a Clorox wipe and began frantically scrubbing my face.  To my relief, the dye came off, but the Clorox wipe irritated my skin.  I was really starting to look FABULOUS!  I briefly contemplated simply jumping in the shower to rinse all the dye out, but based on what I witnessed in the mirror I figured I’d end up with a brown streak all the way down my backside! 

This house is old and the kitchen sink is shallow, so I opted for the bathtub faucet.  This involved me trying to balance over the edge of the tub, trying to use both hands to get the dye out while trying to prevent my hair from going down the drain, which I envisioned as quite icky.  Still wearing gloves, I opted to balance myself with one hand and use the other to rinse as best I could.  The tub began to fill up a little anyway, causing the brown water to seep into the glove of my balancing hand.  I realize at this point that this part of the process is ALSO not a one-person job.  This is not exactly something I can stop in the middle of and wait for help with!  It is now about 1:30am.  I thought about hollering for Em to help, but she and her friend were asleep and I really didn't want her to witness her mother dangling over the edge of the tub.  I finished up on my own.


I applied the conditioner, put all my hair back up on top of my head for another two minutes, and proceeded to try to rinse the tub and clean up around the sink with my now brown hand.  (Thankfully, the brown stains came up easily, but it took a bit more scrubbing to get my hand back to some semblance of "normal" color.)  You know those little “baby hair” sideburns you have, ladies?  Well, when all was said and done, I noticed I had missed those - they did not dye like the rest of my hair.  I now have lovely, golden-brown hair with wispy little gray sideburns.  Maybe I should just go gray gracefully.  Or get help next time!

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