I hate
dieting. My philosophy is, if people don’t love me for who I am on the
inside, then I don’t need ‘em. I’m not ridiculously overweight, but I
certainly do NOT weigh what my driver’s license says. In fact, I got a
grouchy lady the last time I went in for a renewal and she said, “Do you still
weigh 155?” I nodded and said, “As far as you know!” She did the
ol’ look-me-up-and-down “MmmHmm.” What does she care?
Pretty sure my butt's not gonna be in the photo, you can forego the wide
lens, sister.
Did you know
that if you go to the doctor, you do NOT HAVE to get on the
scale? Oh, I know they sometimes need to know what you weigh in order to
prescribe the correct dosage of medication, but it’s really not that big a deal
for general aches and pains and such. It’s a doctor, for heaven’s sake –
he can’t ‘eyeball it’ and make a guesstimation? My sister will NEVER
allow a doctor to weigh her and she has inspired others of us to now do the
same. You want to know how much I weigh? You’ll have to
guess. Guess high, I don’t really care! My weight has nothing to do
with this cold! First time she did it, the nurse got a confused look on
her face and wasn’t quite sure what to do with her. I would love to have
seen that.
I get that
eating right and exercise are good things, but I don’t really consider myself a
couch potato and yet I still hang on to weight like my body thinks it’ll need
it for the future. I don’t always make wise food choices, but Em cooks
some really good meals and ALL of it is from scratch. She LOVES to cook,
so we eat pretty darn good meals most of the time. I do have my vices,
though. Taco Bell is just two blocks away……that’s mean. I must say,
though, before Em took an interest in cooking and I was working full time, we
ate out a LOT more. Well, more like we ordered in. When you call
your favorite place to deliver and they answer the phone, “Hi, Stefani, would
you like your usual this evening?”, then it’s time to either find a new favorite
restaurant or start eating better! We opted for eating better. Em's
interest in cooking probably saved my life!
In years past,
my Mom, my sister, Kami, and I used to try to do the Slim-Fast thing
together. I’d get a phone call from Kam in the morning:
--Kam: "Mom and I are gonna start Slim-Fast this morning, wanna do
it with us?"
--Me: "Sure!"
***Three
hours later***
--Kam: "Mom and I are starving – wanna go have lunch?"
You know those
diet commercials, whether it be for pills or shakes or programs like Weight
Watchers or NutriSystem? If you look closely, there’s a disclaimer at the
bottom of the screen during the durations of those ads that says, “Results not
typical.” It should really read, “Results not possible.” And if
that's not insult enough, the Wii came out with a weight-loss program that was
supposed to be fun. Talk about insulting - at the start of your
"weigh-in", the program literally insults you! <Steps on scale>
"HMPH! OK...one of you get off!"
See, the thing
is, I hate dieting because I’m not very good at it. I am not a patient
person. I want instant results….like ‘overnight’ instant. Since
that’s not realistic…or possible…I’m like the kid who takes his toys and goes
home: “I exercised til I passed out and didn’t lose ANYTHING today?!?
Fine!! I’m not doing this anymore!” Too bad I’m not as fat as I
thought I was in high school. For now, I’ll just pretend I’m what my
driver’s license says!
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