My name is Stefani and I am an Insomniac...

I am an insomniac.  I've grown accustomed to staying up late – it’s become my quiet time for getting things done.  The TV is usually what keeps me company when I’m not quite ready to fall asleep and it’s usually on TNT, USA or whichever channel is airing reruns of Law & Order or CSI.  After years of this pattern, I've noticed that the commercials that run are rarely seen during daytime or primetime. 

I’ve noticed that daytime TV has an overabundance of ads for online schools like ITT Tech and ICDC College.  Primetime, of course, has all the “regular” ads for food and various products – lots of them for whatever new phone, tablet or television is the next best thing.

Late-night is whole different animal and when you’re sleepy, it’s quite entertaining.  Maybe it's time to reexamine your life when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.  Are you fat?  Does your skin show signs of aging?  Are you sick?  Late-night TV ads are mean!  Primetime TV airs ads for medications to fix every ailment from erectile dysfunction to depression and then late-night TV airs the class action lawsuits that resulted from taking them. 

There’s one product ad that cracks me up every time I see it:  Hydrolyze or Hydroxatone.  These two products have had the same ad for a couple of years now and every single time it airs it says the same thing:  “Call in the next 10 minutes…” and “this is the last time this offer will be available.”  Nuh uh!  You just aired it an hour ago…and last week…and last month… That has been the longest 10 minutes EVER!

Em and I watch TV together frequently and the “as seen on TV” products are so predictable, we've begun to sing in unison at just the right moment, “BUT WAIT! If you call right now…”

The ads seem far more unrealistic on late night TV.  All the “you can look 10 years younger” ads have models that would be 12 if you took those 10 years off.  I’d look perfect too, if I had a guy following me around with perfect lighting equipment and a softening filter.

I think my favorite ad is the one for Cialis – the erectile dysfunction medication for men.  If I didn't know any better, that medicine enables men to be able to be clever enough to use their horse to get a truck out of the mud.  There’s not even a “hi honey” kiss waiting for him when he gets home – not a woman in sight! 

I've never been on any medication for a long period of time – I don’t have the consistency to remember to take it every day.  I can’t even remember to take vitamins on a daily basis.  Hey…isn't there medication for memory?  Fortunately, though, there hasn't been anything life-threatening that I needed medication for.  Yet.  And as far as those ads for making us thinner, younger and happier, well…I may have trouble sleeping but I feel pretty good about who I am – I don’t have time for anyone who thinks I ought to be any different than I am!